Saturday, January 20, 2007

Globular Gowns Part II

As promised, the bad and the ugly....*

In Third Place:
Jennifer Garner's dress is delicate, elegant and props for pulling off white and silver without looking like a chandilier. Unfortunately, I think the bagged top half and her lack of curves bottom half make her look likely to keel over at any point. I'll believe just this once that it's the way she's standing that reduce her hips and ass to a continuous line from her abdoment to her ankles. And will someone please sew up her hem? The poor girl's about to trip over?

In Second Place:
Nicolette Sheridan is apparently trying to resist looking like her strumpet onscreen personality and is instead going for the funerial upended Martini glass look. I've yet to see an example (except possibly on Shirley Bassey) of this shape of dress doing anything for anyone. And I've never been a fan of this kind of black/white detailing. That only works if you're in My Fair Lady.

To fix: expand the line of the skirt from hip to ankle in a simple A-line and superimpose a large black and white graphic print or applique around the bottom to make more of the monochrome detail than some small child with a reel of black ribbon.

And the Award goes to:

Beyonce, it's not big and it's not clever. Well, your much-lauded bum may be, and I know you're from the street and it's all bling and that, but put away your breasts, put away the sun-ray pleated lame and stop standing like a six year old trying to be 'beeyotifool'. You're much much better than that. I've seen you becoiffed, poised and much more becoming than this. Come back!!

This is the most bitchy that I can be. Fugly it ain't, but then I just want people to up the gorgeous and downplay the sexy strumpet. Is that ok?!?

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